long battle with alcoholism, fueled by his inability to cope with his combat
service. My mother and I believed that he suffered from post-traumatic
stress disorder (PTSD). He refused to seek help for his failing mental and
physical health. Many times I can remember people trying to help him;
friends and family alike were dismissed. He was just too proud to admit
that he had a problem and, in the last few years of his life, he was unable
to work. He became a recluse, his drinking grew worse and he began to
speak only about his military time during the war. It was as if he were still
there. . .
As one can imagine, it was difficult for me to watch my father, self-destruct.
I loved him so much and there was nothing I could do to help him. All I
could do was listen to his war stories. After his death, I resented my father
for leaving me. In time, I began to understand that my father had an
illness. I often wondered what happened to my father to make him unable
to function as a person.
As an adult, I have a better understanding of PTSD and other "Vietnam
sicknesses". I know that my father couldn't help the way he acted and that
he just couldn't "get over it". He became another casualty of the Vietnam
War. Believing that, on Veterans Day 1995, my family and I participated in
the IN MEMORY ceremony sponsored by The Friends of the Vietnam
Veteran's Memorial in Washington, DC. It was during this remarkable trip
that I realized that I really knew nothing about my dad's military career.
A lot has changed since then. I have read the history of the Vietnam Era
and I have been piecing together a timeline of my father's military
assignments. I have been collecting his documents, letters and
photographs -- putting all the pieces together. One day, I will share his
history with my daughter and give her the chance to know the grandfather
she never met.
"Dad, I promised I would always remember you." Now I hope that others
will remember you too! You will never be forgotten! I only wish you were
here so I could tell you how very proud I am to be your daughter. . .but I
know that you're flying with your fellow Spectres in the sky. I will love you
forever!
T.V. with my dad.
on Dad's MIA bracelet at The Wall.
Hampshire, sharing the history with the
next generation.
